Tomorrow, you will turn 1. It is a day that I have both anxiously anticipated and dreaded for weeks. I have counted the days, refused to talk about it and had emotions all over the map.
When BigBoy turned 1, I was thrilled that we made it a full year and I had not managed to accidently harm or kill you. When Curly turned 1, we all breathed a sigh of relief that the first year and all the trials and sicknesses that came in his first year were behind us. With you, it feels different. I was more confident in myself and my parenting. I was not overly concerned about every little thing that happened and enjoyed the everyday.
Today has been filled with soaking in the last few minutes of you being a baby. I have cuddled you, kissed you, smelled you, rocked you and squeezed you every moment I could.
We continued the tradition of making the "1" cake this afternoon. I am actually making 2 for the first time. One for you to enjoy tomorrow on your actual birthday and one for your party on Saturday. I figured you would enjoy two cakes and I need a trial run on decorating it! It has been 2 years since I did it after all!! :)
Speaking of your party, I have been such denial about your first birthday, that I have refused to make plans for the actual day. I sent invitations, so the date, time and location are secured. Otherwise, I have nothing. It makes my eyes well up with big crocodile tears each and every time I even think about the plans.
So, tomorrow, we will go to the party store and purchase all the necessities for a party - plates, cups, forks, streamers, balloons, cupcakes, #1 candles! We will celebrate you and your first year of life. We will eat more cake than we should. We will blow out candles, take pictures and make tons and tons of memories.
But tonight, I will drink in the last few moments of your baby-ness. I will look back at the maternity pictures we had taken. I will remember writing down the times of ALL the contractions I had all day long. I will laugh as I threatened your Daddy that if Dr. C sent me home (again) without a baby in my arms instead of in my tummy, I would be throwing a tantrum Curly would even find impressive. Tonight I will be sad that my baby is no longer considered a baby. Tonight I will allow myself to finally let those tears fall.
Because tomorrow? Tomorrow I want to be all smiles and celebration about you, BooBear!